I would like to apologize if you've taken offense to, will take offense to, have been triggered, or will be triggered by the incredibly strong sentiments purported by this network ID. I'm not going to change it, as I have many important points to address while bearing the burden of this macro-aggressive exclamation. If you are listening to this audio version, which is the first version of part one of my series regarding this network ID on which I'm posting this memo as well as this audio version at the time, you may not be looking at the screen. When I give the indication the long space I intend to give for those who are reading only, please look at the screen until you have scrolled down six, seven, eight, or nine scrolls of your wheel on the small device which vaguely resembles a squeakfiend. Well, that was rude of me. I should check my privilege. I apologize for such a flagrant assumption. For those of you who may not have such devices, when I give the indication for the long space I intend to give for those who are reading only, I would like to direct your attention to whatever non-offensive term you may use for the accessory of your choice you use to scroll on screens and suggest you press that six, seven, eight, or nine times before looking to the text on the screen, which is quite important and worth your attention. At that point you will no longer be subjecting yourself to such unpleasant language. Now, as I was saying, this is all very important information and I do believe it deserves your undivided attention to my dissertation. Or rather, essay? No, that's speech, or public address. Well, it's all of those things although all of those things aren't the same as one another.

"Speech" is an accurate term for what I'm doing now, as I suppose I am not reading word-for-word from the original written document, therefore made the correct decision in feeling it was right not to restrict the growth of this subject and allow it to take its own direction, however speech-like it may or may not be at the moment. As I am speaking aloud but I am not following the original document word-for-word, I am not certain it truly qualifies, though again I would like to not impose limitations on such things. At present, I am speaking to you from my dancestor's network ID --"dancestor" meaning both my descendant as well as my ancestor, but labeled as such for the sake of clarity and easy-listening -- and although the original text states my addressing this aloud would be a quite different matter from addressing it on paper, the only difference it truly makes is the medium with which I'm choosing to deliver this sermon. Message. As with the written work, I will highlight some points that illustrate why this public address is not quite a speech.

In addition to being an address created with the intention of delivery to an audience -- public or private -- speeches may refer to a characteristic manner of verbal expression, such as a dialect of sorts or simply a different manner of speaking. This also leads us to "speech therapy" where we have led the proverbial hoofbeast to the trough and it is up to him or her or hir or insert your identification of choice to "drink" the "water" -- which may be pure or sullied depending on your perspective -- and choose whether they wish to act in an enlightened or simply ignorant fashion, as inflammatory, careless, or caustic remarks may have a profound effect on those who have undergone this very important therapy and may feel their past, present, or future needs for speech therapy are being mocked by the proverbial hoofbeast who has found the water sullied. They may interpret remarks as a form of belittling and bullying and the proverbial hoofbeast should respect and understand that not everyone is the same and we are all quite unique in our own ways even if we require extra patience. Now, a speech may also be in the form of an essay, although this may be considered a speech it wasn't truly part of an essay, as that was not my intention as of writing it and thus I do not believe it to be an acceptable essay. It is simply something I wrote and am now reading from while speaking into this device. Essays are compositions on particular subjects and themes, generally short, but as I mentioned only a moment ago, I don't believe such restrictions are conducive to creativity and allowing those who are writing essays to express themselves freely. It's important not to discriminate against essays for being different from the others, as no matter how different an essay is from the "norm" -- potentially a very triggering word; I don't recommend using it, as it implies that there is some standard to which we must conform when we should celebrate individuality -- we should accept efforts for what they are, no matter how poorly they appear to be executed.

A public address is a much-preferred fashion of delivering a speech due to the public non-discriminatory nature which says "anyone at all may attend, even those for whom I don't particularly feel any fondness." This is why I believe "public address" suits the purpose of my speech, more so than the term "speech" itself. Everyone should be able to benefit from the topic I am about to cover. And now, as I indicated prior, this is the indication for the courtesy space for those who are following along. There will be another audio address to accompany this one which speaks about the second half of my memo shortly. If you have reached this point, please scroll down several lines now and resume the corresponding version of the recording to which you chose to listen.

[This may be the most pompous shit you've experienced in your entire life.]